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Intimate Confessions

Posted on Thu May 25th, 2017 @ 1:04am by Commander Akiva ben-Avram & Lieutenant JG Amber Zuzan
Edited on on Thu May 25th, 2017 @ 1:14am

Mission: S2E1 - Secrets
Location: XO's Office
Timeline: MD 86 09:30

Akiva's desk felt cramped. There had been a lot to do in orchestrating extra work details in the upcoming colonial exploits, and that left little room for extracurricular activities. The captain's wedding, spycraft with Kazyah, his weekly observances with Biynah -- excuses, all of them, for avoiding the conversation that he was about to have.

Since Kazyah Linn was nowhere to be found, Akiva found himself faced with a blaring gap in his schedule that had been blocked out for their covert investigation. His conscience told him the time was now.

=/\="Commander ben-Avram to Lieutenant Zuzan,"=/\= he said with a tap to his commbadge. =/\="Please come to my office as soon as possible.=/\=

Amber was busy with counting some weapons in one of the armouries but she decided to defer the task to someone else. With that task now being carried out by Ensign Rose she made her way to Akiva's office as requested - preferring the element of surprise. Instead of pressing the chime she made her way in and sat on Akiva's desk.

"You called?" Amber asked.

Akiva was temporarily speechless. The carefully constructed confession he had prepared all morning fell out of his mind, shoved clear by the entrance of this ravishing creature before him. Sparkles of playing anticipation made her eyes dance. Her pert lips spread in a loving smile promised kisses in the future like the one they had shared over dinner.

"I... I needed to see you," he managed to say. Words dripped slowly from his dry mouth like tree sap.

The way her body perched at the edge of his desk accented her feminine curves in all the right ways. Akiva felt his pulse quicken along with his breathing.

"Umm... can I get you anything?" He was on his feet in an instant, facing the replicator and away from her.

Amber didn't think Akiva's nervousness was out of character - she was already used to it. The only thing she was a bit unsure of was the fact Akiva wanted to see her - was it just an attempt at being romantic or was there more to it?

Amber nodded. "A cup of coffee would be nice. Plenty of milk - please"

After replicating two cups of the same, he offered one to Amber and sipped from the other. Now that the moment was here, he was finding it hard to come out and say what needed to be said.

"Amber..." Akiva set his cup on the desk and sidled up next to her. She just sat there in the same position, sipping from her coffee and looking at him from over her shoulder.

The kindness in her eyes gave him pause again, like a punch to the gut. How could he tell her what had happened on the planet's surface? What he had done. He doubted she would forgive him.

"Amber, I want you to know how special you are to me. The... the kindness, and the understanding, and... and... everything about you... you're better than I deserve. You see... Amber, I've done something awful."

Akiva could not look her in the face, so he took her hand in both of his own and held it with a flaccid, guilty touch.

"After we made dinner plans at Quark's, back on DS9, I went back to my quarters feeling more joy than I ever thought I could know. Then I had a visitor, a crewmember who wanted to discuss a transfer. One thing led to another, and... and we kissed."

Amber lowered her coffee and took it all in. This wasn't what she was expecting and it was a massive shock to her system. Whilst they weren't actually an item Amber wasn't sure whether she should react positively or negatively. She simply nodded to Akiva to get him to continue.

The admission sucked the breath out of his chest. It took all of his willpower not to seize up now, to keep talking now while he still had the momentum.

"I didn't know what to think. I... I felt like a fool. And then we had a wonderful time together, you and I. You cooked for me. No one's done that since I was a boy. But... then..."

Akiva turned away and faced the wall. He could not even stare at her hand while confessing the next part.

"She was also on the away mission on the planet. I went down to the beach at dusk to perform mikveh... a ritual ablution for the holy day that followed. And... she was there."

Akiva bit his trembling lip, but forced himself to continue.

"I didn't know why she was so angry with me at first. It turned out that she... she still held feelings for me. And... I didn't know how to respond. I don't do well with people. She was so upset. I apologized, and she forgave me with another kiss."

Keeping her coffee on the desk she continued to listen.

"Another one? Akiva...what is this exactly?" Amber asked.

Leaning his head against the wall, Akiva slumped his shoulders and put his hands to his face.

"I feel as though I betrayed you. All the goodness you've shown me, and what do I do but act like a lecher? I don't know what is wrong with me, but I make no excuse for it. Only an apology."

Tremors rose up within his chest from barely contained sobbing. "If-f-f you n-never s-s-speak to m-me again, I'll... understand."

Amber had nothing to say - not because she was angry but because she didn't know what to say. She had been taught forgiveness when she was young and Akiva had admitted it to her rather than continue to keep it to herself. She had a long sip of her coffee and remained sat on the desk.

"Look...while we aren't together and I can understand how you feel - I really don't think me ignoring you and forgetting about how far we've come is going to help. You're new to this kind of thing and I accept that we've got a bit of a way to go yet...we'll get through it. I'll help you - but only if you let me Akiva. I won't make you do anything you don't want to" Amber said.

When a disbelieving Akiva turned his still trembling face toward Amber, his eyes were wet with tears. Had Amber really forgiven him just like that?

"I don't know what to do."

That final admission broke down the floodgates. He wanted to reach out and embrace her like a lifeline of forgiveness in a sea of self-loathing. All he could do was cover his face with his hands in a futile gesture of hiding himself as he cried like a sorry child.

"When I'm away from you, you're all I think about. But when I was with her, I was swept away. I hurt her so badly, and now I'm afraid I've done the same to you." Akiva's turmoil turned to anger. He punched the wall beneath his resting forehead. "Why does this have to be so difficult? What is wrong with me?!"

He yelled into his forearm nestled between his face and the wall with his sore fist hanging limp at his side.

Amber walked up to Akiva and wrapped her arms around him loosely. She felt hurt by what had happened but ultimately it seemed like a genuine mistake rather than something Akiva had chosen to do. Keeping tight hold of him Amber reassured him.

"Akiva...nothing is wrong with you. Maybe I am a little bit upset but we aren't exactly together yet and maybe I'm prepared to wait for you. You've admitted what you've done and that takes more courage than you think it does - I'm glad you told me now rather than waiting for me to find out. Nothing's changed and if you want me then I still want you" Amber replied.

The embrace of Amber's warm, lithe figure from behind him began to melt away Akiva's hard, frozen disposition. He turned around and took her in a tight hug, tucking his head down on top of hers while he squeezed her in his arms.

"Amber, I know we aren't formally together, but I don't want to dishonor you or the goodness you've shown me."

He leaned back and pulled her head up by her chin so he could look down on her.

"No matter what happens, please know that I do care about you. I... I even love you. I swear it. I just want to do this right. And that means doing right by everyone I care about without reservation or conflicting feelings. If I ever were to hurt you, then I pray HaShem would do so to me, and then even more so."

Amber reached up and gave Akiva a solitary kiss and then looked at him.

"You and I can work Akiva - I want us to work more than anything else. The only person who can make that decision is you - but if I can help you then so be it. I care about you more than you think I do and that hasn't ever changed" Amber whispered.

Akiva gazed into Amber's eyes, one at a time, like a melancholy metronome. Relief welled up within him like a geyser, pushing away the wellspring stopped up by shame and regret. He leaned down to return her kiss, meekly at first like sampling a hot dish, then flushed with passion when Amber accepted his lips with her own.

Hands and arms mingled together in tender reconciliation. Akiva felt his heart pounding against his breastbone, but he couldn't bring himself to stop. The joyful release that she had given him locked his mouth against hers with an unstoppable fervor.

"HaShem help me," Akiva whispered between kisses of gratitude. "I think I'm falling for you."

Amber grinned. "I already fell for you a while ago Akiva. So...why don't we forget our shift for a little while and...shut up shop? I'm sure the Captain won't mind. I've got Ensign Rose working on what I was doing so I'm not due back in the armory any time soon"

A shy grin formed between Akiva's flushed cheeks. "What do you have in mind?"

"Computer...lock doors" Amber said.

Amber took her uniform jacket off and dropped it onto the floor. She then pulled Akiva back towards the desk before sitting up on it. Grinning seductively at the first officer Amber knew exactly what she had in mind.

"This is what I had in mind..." Amber whispered.

Amber pulled Akiva towards her and wrapped her legs around his waist as she pulled him in for a kiss. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind for a location - but Amber hoped that if it went all the way then they wouldn't be disturbed.

Gasps of surprise mixed with pleasure erupted from Akiva. He leaned into Amber's full body embrace as far as his legs would let him. Were his desk not secured to the floor, his knees would've pressed it to the wall along with Amber.

The sheer, carnal desire that he felt from Amber evoked the same reaction from him, head to chest to loins, scattering his inhibitions like a flock of birds. His hands slid up and down her body, eventually settling to her thighs that clutched him firmly against her. He tried to speak, but words failed to penetrate their entangled lips.

Amber kept herself occupied by continuing to kiss Akiva. She loved her thighs being touched in the way they were - and the location of what was going on made it even more exciting to the North American woman. Resting her hands against Akiva's chest she caressed it gently whilst losing herself in the moment. Maybe it wasn't what she planned on happening that particular morning but now it was Amber was glad it had.

"You're such a handsome man. Do you realise that Akiva?" Amber asked.

"No. I've never thought so." Akiva pulled back to take in Amber's own beauty. "At least, I never expected for a gorgeous woman to say so."

Reason began to return to Akiva's mind. The lapsing passion gave room for his analytical mind to arrest his more cavalier instincts.

"Amber... we need to stop." Akiva grimaced in near physical pain as he forced himself to defy the longing in every manly fiber of his being. "I... I can't. If I take you for pleasure now, when I have not resolved the storm within me, then I would a thief and a liar." He reached up to brush the hair away from her face and then cradled her cheek in his palm.

"I swore I would not hurt you. HaShem help me, but I will not now." His eyes burned with lust, though something else lingered beneath its surface. Hope. "Please understand."

Amber shrugged and got off the table before bending down to collect her jacket from the floor. Putting it back on and ensuring it - and her hair - were in a presentable condition she turned to face Akiva.

"You know where to find me when you're ready. Please don't make me wait forever though" Amber said.

Akiva bit his lip as he watched her go. When he was alone, he stomped his foot and punched the wall again. Same spot, same hand.

"H'matzav khara!"

As he rubbed the soreness away from his knuckles, he wished the same could be done for his aching heart.


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