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Cat In A Bears Claw

Posted on Fri Jul 14th, 2017 @ 9:13pm by Lieutenant Arkady Sjet Dr & Lieutenant Commander Arturo M'Rohass

Mission: S2E1 - Secrets
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: MD100: 0830hrs

Arkady usually associated alarms going off in sickbay with his day getting much more interesting than he normally liked. Sometimes it was an engineering failure resulting in severe physical trauma in job lots, or the ship was under attack. Given they were not at red alert, and the Engineering department did not seem the sort to make such mistakes, Arkady was perplexed.

He was even more so as he rounded the corner of sickbay, and saw two orderlies standing by the door. For a moment he thought their stern faces were for him until he looked down and saw the figure standing between them.

"He's carrying a weapon," said the orderly on the left.

"A folding blade," the other said in Tweedle Dee-esque twinning.

"Da. At least we know the door scanner works. Last time I had to use one of these was on Ferris station. Little rock full of miners." Arkady said admiring the glowering sensory head above the door. "They did not like it when we told them to evacuate. A lot of blades, lot of little toys."

He then looked down at the short Catian.

"Did not expect to find it useful here," he sounded amused.

"Doctor!" Arturo said in a cheerful tone of voice. "Tell me, do you have a mop? And maybe one of those 'Caution: Wet Floor' signs?"

"Condition of my lending of janitorial supplies is explanation for need," Arkady explained, nodding to the orderlies who creepily wandered back into sickbay's many warded depths.

As he watched the two orderlies leave, Arturo looked almost disappointed.

"Never mind, " he said to the doctor. "Now that they have left, there will be no need to mop up their blood and other bodily fluids from your floors. Anyway, I am Lieutenant Arturo M'Rohass! I have just arrived and I am reporting for my entrance physical!"

"Huum," Arkady said, crossing his arms with a sound like steel cables under strain. "Perhaps because you are new, I forgive small lapse. I do not take threats to my staff lightly, even the joking kind. And for you, will be hard to be pilot with cone of shame on head?"

Arkady's face broke into a smile and made a welcoming gesture.

"Come in, please. I have read your file, and have made suitable accommodations for you in my office." Said accommodation had been a purloined bar stool from the lounge, but who was going to argue with a bruiser carrying a bottle of real potato starch vodka in exchange?

No one of course, not with the promise of more. But that was a felony for another day.

"Oh don't worry about them," Arturo said as he followed the doctor to his office. "As long as they don't try to lay a hand on me again, they're perfectly safe. And, if not...well, I'm sure Starfleet Medical can grow you a few more in whatever basement lab they grew those two in."

"Greenhouse," Arkady said, hiking his thumb back over his shoulder. "One of the big domes on Ganymede or a moon of Ceti Prime. I read so many files sometimes I get places mixed up. I can tell you one has an allergy to cat dander and the other has a benign cellular mass in the knuckle of his right big toe. But their hometown is furry to me."

He walked behind his desk and took a seat, gesturing to the bar stool on Arturo's side.

"Now before you worry unduly, you are fine. Your entry scan to the ship showed perfect health as far as things go. As did your paramour Lieutenant Song. Reminds me to talk to you later about ideas I am having, but later after I have redefined talk I must have with crew concerning nocturnal period musings." He leaned across the desk, looking Arturo in the eye. "Unfortunately there was abnormality in Lieutenant Song's imaginary."

Arturo frowned.

"Imaginary?" Arturo said. "Wait, do you mean imagery? Her scans? You found an abnormality when you scanned her? Look here, Medico, as much as I want to know what you found, I'm not sure that either Lieutenant Song or a medical ethics board would appreciate you talking to me about her health without her permission. Have you spoken to her about this?"

"Ah, no. Is not meaning of word I meant to say. Pochemu angliyskiy takoy yazyk znacheniy?;" Arkady asked, rubbing his eyes. "In ideal word, I would speak my mother tongue and you your's without little machine speaking for us. I mean her collection of little dragons."

"He meant menagerie," said a passing nurse who scuttled more than anything pass the door.

"Yes, that. Her collection had additions not on manifest. Silica mites, one in ten billion odds of little creatures having them. Totally harmless to warm blooded mammal's not made of rocks. Mildly harmful to computers," Arkady pulled on a pair of small glasses and looked at his padd thoughtfully. "Actually quite harmful to computers. Very not good. So I call you down here, have silica mites to."

Arturo's eyes seemed to get significantly wider.

"I have...WHAT???" Arturo said. "I insist you get them off of me forthwith, medico! As for Gerri, he will be lucky if I don't turn him into a krait-skin belt or something...maybe a large wallet!"

Arturo's comment about turning Gerri into a piece of leather work was, of course, ridiculous. He loved that little lizard, and Xiulan loved that little lizard, so therefore Arturo would never harm Gerri in any way, shape, or form.

" can get rid of them, right?" Arturo said in a meeker, but no less frantic voice. "I'm not going to have to prowl around with tiny critters all over me for the rest of my life am I?"

"No I have brought you down here to tell you that you now have exciting new lifetime role as little condo for silica eating mites," Arkady deadpanned. "Nyet, is quite simple to remove. For Gerri, who is patient zero, we are having to be very thorough in cleaning him with a neutron bath. He'll be here for a day or two. You, on other hand, merely a light dusting."

He reached into the desk, and pulled out a pair of dull clay coloured bracelts made of metal.

"Small scale EM field generators. Wear one on right wrist and left ankle for a night, and you will be fit as fiddle. The field will oscillate in such a way as to break up the static bond the mites have with you. They fall off, and Vindex's housekeeping bots will do the work of removing them," his big hand reached out, putting them on the desk but keeping the bracelets covered.

"Word of advice. The EM field randomly spikes, help to keep bugs from knowing to just hang on. Those spikes might produce some...ah....static effects with your fur. And do not sleep near metal objects like lamps. Or knives."

Arturo sighed.

"I suppose this includes ocular implants?" Arturo said. "Like the ones in Lieutenant Song's head?"

"Indeed. For her, I have tasked the main computer to run a low-level diagnostic scan through her implants every half second. She will not even notice the interference. If there is even a hint of silica degradation due to mite infestation, she will be in here lickety-split," Arkady rose his hand away from the bands and clicked his fingers. "And for you is only one night. If you want I can provide you Martian cure for staying awake. Is highly effective."

"That wasn't my question," Arturo said. "I sleep next to Lieutenant Song. She has ocular implants. Do I need to sleep on the couch to avoid frying her implants?"

"Unfortunately no. I have an Op's team going through her quarters cleaning out any trace of the mites. If you return after that you might bring them in with you, undo hard work of custodial staff," Arkady gestured to sickbay. "You can bunk here for the night whilst the band's work. I would advise against it, there is sneaky cephalopod who likes to meet new peoples. Also night shift are loud, they like their modern music. Lots of booming and transonic chirping: very distracting."

He tapped a finger against his chin for a second in thought. "Though Vindex is large enough that there is space in the transient officer quarters. Just for one night, and then back you go."

"Actually, they're our quarters," Arturo said, bristling a little. "And they started out as mine...oh, never mind. Fine, I'll have operations find me somewhere to stay for the evening. Do you have any other good news for me?"

"Avoid touching metal surfaces when you wear bracelets. If you do not, you turn into a large ball of pointed fuzz. Will look comical," Arkady said. "But apart from that you are fine. If all my patients were as well as you I would be less doctor than I am now. Now go, you have duty shift to start. Have Op's inform sickbay of your temporary relocation so, if there is emergency, we can find you."

"If I must," Arturo said, grumpy that on his second-night sharing quarters with Xiulan, he'd have to sleep somewhere else. Nonetheless, he was eager to be rid of these mites, so he picked up the bracelets. "Thank you, Doctor. If there's nothing else, I have work to do."

"Then I wish you well," Arkady smiled, standing and offering his large hand to Arturo. "Oh, as is on my mind I will be holding ship wide seminar in a few days on the topic of interpersonal relationships on ship. Since you are new, and have not been witness to the case files I have, I extend offer for your self and Miss Song to join us. It will be an educational, and hopefully, enlightening experience for all."

Arturo shook the doctor's hand.

I hope I give him a mite infestation! Arturo thought.

"I will...consider your offer," he said out loud. "Good day, Doctor."

Arkady smiled as the Catain left the room. After a moment he sat back in his chair, and carefully unpeeled the synth-skin gloves from his hands. He then very carefully leant over and dropped them into the open maw of a biohazard bin.

"Obmani menya odin raz, pozor vam," Arkady said with a grin, as his foot stamped down on the pedal that activated the plasma jet inside the bin. "Fool me twice, shame on me."


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